Sunday, May 31, 2015

What's Up Dock


YOUNG KYLE sits at the edge of a dock fishing.  He puts a worm on the hook and drops his line into the water.

OLD KYLE enters slowly, walking with a cane, and sits down next to him.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    I thought I might find you here.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    It’s the only place you ever find me…

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Yeah, I guess you’re right.  It’s the only time
                                    we seem to be able to find to spend together.

YOUNG KYLE lifts his rod up and finds nothing on his hook.

OLD KYLE pulls a string out of his shirt pocket and ties it to the end of his cane.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    I have a rod that you are more than welcome to use.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    I have a cane I am more than welcome to beat you
                                    with, if you don’t let me do things my way.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Have it your way, old man.

OLD KYLE raises his cane as if about to strike YOUNG KYLE. 

Both laugh.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    I know you could never hurt me.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    I could easily hit you right here and now with
                                    this stick until you turne the color of a blueberry.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Yes, you could.  But it still wouldn’t hurt.

OLD KYLE jabs YOUNG KYLE with his elbow lovingly.


                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    OW! (sarcastic)

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Whatever.  (laughs)

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Your arm is all bone old man.  No muscle or fat
                                    left on it.  You need to eat more.

OLD KYLE pulls a worm out of his front pants pocket and puts it on the hook.

YOUNG KYLE gives him a weird look.

OLD KYLE leers back at him.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    What?  You never seen someone hook a
worm before?

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    I have…but not after taking the worm out of
their pants pocket.                       

                        OLD KYLE
You kids think you know everything.  Let me
Tell you the secret to catching more fish…

OLD KYLE pauses what he is doing to look YOUNG KYLE in the eyes.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    The key, champ, is to keep your worms warm.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Really…?

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Yes…

OLD KYLE continues to hook the worm.                         

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    …and keep them clean.

OLD KYLE proceeds to put both ends of the worm into his mouth to clean off any lint or dirt. 
YOUNG KYLE gags slightly.

OLD KYLE laughs at him.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    It’s a rubber worm.  It’s not even real.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Yes, but it’s the same rubber worm you have
                                    been using for years now!!  Do you know how
                                    many fish have had that same worm in their
                                    mouths over the years??

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    None.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    NONE??  You just said the trick was to keep your
                                    worms warm and clean!  And you have never
                                    caught a single fish using that technique??

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Yes, but this isn’t a real worm.  This is a gag worm.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Gag is right!

OLD KYLE reaches into the worm bucket and pulls a real worm out.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    You have to do it with a real worm.  Here,
                                    try it on this night crawler.  Promise it’ll work.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    No thank you old man.  I’d rather go home empty-
                                    handed than have worm-breath.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Suit yourself.

OLD KYLE throws the worm into the lake.  BOTH watch in amazement…

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Did you see that??  That fish just jumped up out
of the water and caught the worm mid-air!

                        OLD KYLE
Because the worm was warm…and clean.

                        YOUNG KYLE
Whatever, old man. 

Both fish for a brief pause in the conversation. 

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    So where are you now…?

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    …I’m on a dock fishing with you.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    You know what I mean…

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Why do we always have to talk about this
stuff?  Why can’t we just sit and have a normal
conversation like two normal people?

                        OLD KYLE
Because I like to know about YOU.  I want to
hear about the things YOU are doing.  I want to
hear about what YOU are feeling.

YOUNG KYLE is reluctant.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Fine.

OLD KYLE sits back to enjoy the stories.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    What was happening the last time we talked?

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    You had just met Alice…

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Alice??  Really??  I haven’t even seen or talked
to her in months now.  I doubt she even remembers
who I am.


                        OLD KYLE
She remembers you.  Trust me, she remembers
you clear as daylight.  Don’t give up on her…

                        YOUNG KYLE
Well, I’m seeing Stacy now.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Bitch.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Hey!!!

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Trust me: B.I.T.C.H.  – bitch.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Don’t ruin good things for me like that!  I
                                    like her a lot!

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                   
                                    Bitch.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    STOP!

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Bitch and a half.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    PLEASE!

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    An entire litter of bitches…all in one big
hairy stinking bitch.  Emphasis on the hairy,
if you catch my drift.

OLD KYLE nudges and winks at YOUNG KYLE.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Just be careful not to catch anything else from
                                    her.  That’s probably the reason for the ‘hairy’
                                    now that I’m thinking about it…


                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Oh my…ugh…just STOP already!!

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Just take my advice and get away.  Stay away.
                                    We will both be happier for it.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    OK.  Noted.

Both fish for a brief pause in the conversation. 
YOUNG KYLE opens a Coke and drinks it.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    How is your old man?

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    He’s doing ok.  All things considered.  He’s in
                                    remission right now.  He seems to be doing
pretty well.  The doctors are hopeful.

                        OLD KYLE
They always are.  You should see him as much
as you can the next few weeks.  They say he’s
doing better…but it’s their job to lie and give
you a false hope.

                        YOUNG KYLE
I figured…

                        OLD KYLE
You seem to be taking that news ok…

                        YOUNG KYLE
Well, you know – we never have been close. 
Growing up with mom and only seeing dad a
few times a year didn’t really help cultivate a
close strong bond.  Mom only let us have a dog…

                        OLD KYLE
Are you still upset over mom substituting a pet dog
instead of buying you a pet Brontosaurus??

                        YOUNG KYLE
Dogs need people to do chores for them.  Clean up
their poo, feed them, get them water, pet and play
with them.  
A Brontosaurus is more like a cat.  Big hairless, overgrown
felines.  A brontosaurus is self-sufficient and can live
on it’s own without people.  They proved that by
doing it for millions of years. 

                        OLD KYLE
And then they died.  (pause)  Because nobody fed them

                        YOUNG KYLE
And an asteroid hit the earth causing global flooding
and freezing and then the glaciers took them away.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Don’t get all ‘conspiracy theory’ on me!

            OLD AND YOUNG KYLE
Whatever. 

Both laugh together.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Where are you working now?

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Warehouse. 

OLD KYLE
Kenningstones?

YOUNG KYLE
Yep.  It pays the bills.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Don’t worry.  It’ll get better…after the
                                    port-o-potty gig.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    The WHAT??

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Just kidding.

Both fish for a brief pause in the conversation. 

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Did you finally stop smoking?

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Yeah.  Yeah, I did.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Good.  Good for us.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Would you like some chew?

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    HOW IS THAT ANY BET…?

Both laugh.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Yeah, you got me. 

Both fish for a brief pause in the conversation. 

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    There’s something else I want to talk to you about…

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Sure, what is it…?

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    This may be my last visit.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Wait.  What??

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    I have a lot of things wrong with me.  Repercussions
                                    from years of living like you have.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    I’m sorry.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Don’t be.  It’s been a good life. 

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Any regrets old man?


                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Just one.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Only one??  What is that…?

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    You mean, ‘WHO is it?’…Stacy.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Son of a…
                                   
                                                            YOUNG AND OLD KYLE
                                    Bitch.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    …I’m telling you…

Both fish for a brief pause in the conversation. 

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    I guess I should be on my way…

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    You don’t have to go.  We can stay and chat longer…

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    No, I really should be leaving.  I left my
                                    meds at home. 

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Can I ask you a question before you go?

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    Sure.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    How old are you?

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    It doesn’t matter.  Fill the years between your present
                                    and my present with as much fun and love and
                                    adventure as you can, so that when it ends, it won’t
                                    even matter how long it took you to get there, but
                                    that you did enough during that time to be content.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Yeah.  I guess you’re right.

OLD KYLE stands up and smiles at YOUNG KYLE.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                    We turned out ok, kid.  We did good.

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                    Yeah, we did, didn’t we?

YOUNG KYLE fishes for a brief pause in the conversation. 
                                   
                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                                (hollers back to OLD KYLE)
                                    I love you!

YOUNG KYLE turns to see that OLD KYLE is already gone. 

                                                            YOUNG KYLE
                                                (whispered more to himself)
                                    Really…I love you.  I love us…

YOUNG KYLE checks his hook to see nothing there.

                                                            OLD KYLE
                                                (from offstage)
                                    I LOVE YOU TOO!!

YOUNG KYLE grins big.

                                                           



                                    

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